Month: September 2014

So Done

Dear World;

Have you ever had those moments when you are so done with everything? That is what I am feeling today.

so done

Wondering WTF!!! is wrong with people? Second question yourself even though you know, it isn’t you?

I am not the greatest person, I make mistakes, huge ones, but when you know you did everything you could do, everything right and a person won’t LISTEN…then throws you under the under the bus…fuck that!

I need to start focusing my energy on my writing and stop trying to juggle so many balls- I feel like a kid trying to hold on to 100 balls in the playhouse- balls popping out everywhere!

Okay I’m done- my vent for today.

 

 

Dear World- It’s me Tilly

Look at that World, first I don’t write for months in my blog, now I seem to be bursting with things to say.

This post World is to introduce you to a very special person. My Mom.

My Mom

My Mom

My Mom left this world to start a new journey without me, she believed in heaven, and to respect and honour her faith, I BELIEVE she is the most beautiful of angels.

I decided to clean, purge and rearrange things at home, as such I came across a box of papers and pictures; inside the box was history. My history, for you see she kept it all, letters, post cards, childish drawings, crude attempts at my first poetry, my first curls.

And I couldn’t help but think; how very stupid I was. So stupid to believe that you have forever with your parents, stupid for not embracing the little things, stupid for not holding that hug for five more seconds! What I wouldn’t give to have her hug me now- I don’t think I would ever let go.

Love you!

Love you!

Times like these; when I miss her beyond measure, my heart shatters all over again, just like the day it did when she passed.

She was an amazing person. Faults sure- she was a woman, a human, and just like all of us made mistakes. Funny though, that I don’t recall them- the mistakes, I recall the laughter and love, the hugs and the bedtime stories, I recall her love for colour and joy for life.

I recall the love. Always the love. Opening that box, I felt, Mom, I am not so sure I was worthy.  I wasn’t always the best daughter, I had my moments of being a royal brat, but on the heals of that thought, I knew just like I don’t recall, nor care for that matter the faults, I know she too saw only my beauty, in a way no one else ever could, or ever would.

She use to say that of all her children I was the most like her; we sort of had the odds in our favour considering I was born on her birthday.

I am blessed to know love, I am blessed to know how proud she was of me, and I am blessed beyond measure to have had such a wonderful caring amazing Mother, I know this, but today….today I miss her, today I want to be selfish and hug her, today I want to hear her voice, to let her laughter fill the room. Today it hurts because I just want my Mom!

I miss you so much

I miss you so much

 

 

Dear World- It’s me Tilly

Good morning World,

Express YourselfThose who know me , know that I have multi-layers to who I am, those who know me well know that those layers are complex, interesting, frustrating and unpredictable.  Those that don’t know me, have probably judged me with just one word “Crazy.”

I do have a tendency to push the envelope of what people would deem normal. If the label is “Crazy” I am okay with that.

I love to express myself, and I do that in a variety of ways, certainly with words, as an author you need to think differently, I mean come on if I am just writing about what everyone is writing about then why write? As an author my world of words is different because the voices in my head speak a foreign language, and I am talking French or Spanish verses English here, I am talking the worlds in which I create, the characters that come to life can only come from my heart, my head and my inspiration- not anyone elses.

I express myself with my photography. I don’t just take any picture, I take the picture that speaks to me. That makes me feel; and that my friend can be a complex situation in itself, for I am full of feelings, one day happy, the next day sad, angry, joyful—and yes even sometimes crazy.

I express myself when I am the “Corporate” Tilly (come on, who am I kidding, I don’t think I will ever be Corporate!)- my funky side still shines, it’s just that you might not be able to see it. Here I have mis-matched socks and a shocking green thong under that perfectly pressed business suit.

I express myself with the crazy collection of hats I own, and add “Tilly-ism’s” to my everyday life, from the art work on the walls to dressing up my dog. (Poor Moochie!)

Sometimes I get really crazy and throw paint against canvas and pretend it is art. ~smiles~

I express myself in my belief system, in my faith- some may say even my spiritual beliefs are crazy for I walk a path that isn’t straight, or the normal “standard”.

I express myself as a woman, I am not everyone’s cup of tea, more like a shot of tequila without the lemon and salt. I express myself sexually am embrace that side of me, not hide from it.

I am, who I am. I grow, I learn and try my very hardest to be a good person. I’m not always, I know when I am angry I can be the biggest bitch you ever saw.

I know my strengths and my weakness.

If this makes me crazy- than I have chosen to pick the definition of: “extremely enthusiastic”..~giggles~

Love and hugs my friends, and go ahead…let your funk out, and be who you are. Express Yourself!