Month: May 2012

Dear World, It’s me- Tilly

A new relationship can develop. But the cicatrix of the old one remains. And nothing grows on a cicatrix . Nothing grows through it.
— Elizabeth George, Playing for the Ashes

Table. Tilly Rivers

Table

I often wonder how it is. For example, how is it that siblings can grow up in the same household with the same parents, with the same environment and be so different? How can some of them pick up some habits, some others, and some not at all?  I guess this is one of the mysteries that won’t be solved.

Take me for example. I have a large family by some people’s standards, certainly in today’s society of 1.2 kids ~smiles~ Never could figure out the .2 either,  is it a part child, or in the house part-time? ~smiles~ (I know- I know I have the oddest thoughts.) ~giggles~ in total, there are six of us.

Back to my point….and if this is the first time you have read my blog, don’t worry, you will get use to my random wanderings ~smiles~. I’m like that talking dog on the cartoon movie “UP” I get sidetracked easily….’squirrel“…. ~giggles~

My sisters and I are very different, not just physically, which we are, I am tall, they are short…but habits as well. My Mom hated ‘stuff’ on her kitchen table. She liked it neat, which is ironic if you knew my Mother who had ‘stuff’ everywhere in her home.  I hate my table messy, mind you I hate ‘stuff’ and messy anywhere in my home, but I especially hate it when someone just leaves shit on the kitchen table. My one sister, her table is always messy, and I am always cleaning it off when ever I go to visit. She picked up Mom’s habit of ‘keeping’ everything, I keep it simple and clutter free. Same family- same parents, different habits.

I suppose it is only natural for me to be thinking about my Mom so much the last few days with Mother’s Day around the corner. I sure miss her…

Advertisements

|Dear World- It’s me Tilly

Books

Books are truly one of my favourite things. Old or new- used or rare, I love books. I have shelves of them, boxes of them, and continually add to my collection. I love the smell of books, and I would happily spend hours in a book store, especially a store filled with old books. This for me is heaven.

95% of my books are non-fiction. You will find law books, marketing books, business books, physiology, and religion. You will find books on everything from sex to photography, cooking and wine to travel and art.

My books are well read, hard covered and soft, the pages sport coloured sticky notes marking pages, the pages themselves are highlighted, there are notes in the margins, and yes, even the odd ‘dog-ear’ (sorry Mom!).

My mom loved books, she read to me all the time. She read to me whatever book she was reading, as well as children’s stories, she read me the classics, and she taught me the joy of a book, and taught me not to break their spine, or dog-ear the pages. She made up voices for the characters and painted a verbal ‘movie’ that played inside my head. I loved that special time we spent together. I love the gift of love of books she gave me.

The last five percent of my book collection are fiction. Here too I experiment. Mystery one day, romance another. I think it is a wonderful thing to buy a book from an author you have never heard of before. To discover a great book, be it new  or written twenty-five years ago, it a great pleasure for me.

A great book takes you on a magic carpet ride; suddenly you are there, living the story. Sometimes I am disappointed, there are books out there that don’t suit your personal taste, and sometimes I am very pleasantly surprised as I discover another author I like.

Books. Tilly Rivers

Books. Tilly Rivers

I mentioned once that when I die, the thought of all my books being given away or thrown away breaks my heart. Silly I know, but in a way they represent me, the layers of me. No wonder I became a writer hmmmm?

Words

Dear World, it’s me-Tilly.

Words are a wonderful thing. My best friend. 99% of the time they are there for me, I can count on them to express my feelings, thoughts, to be able to articulate almost every part of my life. From love to my career. Words, after all are my career. Be it a gift or whatever someone may call it- words and I are for the most part are one. And even when I can’t find the words myself, there are those amazing song writers that have managed to touch deep inside my very soul, they express through the power of words what I am feeling- and inside my spirit I rejoice. YES-yes, that is exactly how I feel, or felt when….

So what happens when you can’t find the words to express what you are feeling or thinking? What happens when that 1% comes along and you are not sure…lost?

Do we not look for words of wisdom? Quotes- sayings? How-to-books. Words– the right word to carry us through whatever we are experiencing at the moment be it great sadness and pain, or great joy.  Words of love, of a broken heart. Words of hope, words of despair.

Do we not use words as swords to slay our enemies? Curse them- curse all. Words yelled.

Do we not whisper words of love, desire and need? Close in our lovers ear, do we not express how much we want them?

But what happens when you can’t find the words to express what you are feeling or thinking? What happens when that 1% comes along and you are not sure…when no words have been written to match what you are feeling?

What…..than?

Tilly Rivers-Dear World.