Dear World It’s me Tilly
Continued from part 2
Me- The Poet: I currently have four published poetry books, (I have other books published as well, and have been blessed with several best sellers); I have, however written probably a million poems.
I am thankful to be able to express how I feel in a poem, and grateful that my poems have touched and are loved by others. I’m not sure if you truly know how much that means to me; poetry in itself is a hard sell, and sadly I believe it is becoming a lost art, less people write poetry, and less people read it.
My poetry collection “Just the Way It Is“ was written in 2004 after my father passed away. The poem “floating” has been reprinted over 5 million times, and translated in five different languages. My father is my life, and I miss him beyond measure!
As I am writing this, I feel as if I am betraying my mother, forgive me Mom, as I do not love you less, and do not miss you less. The truth is, as I write this, I realize, that it is not that Dad was my life, you both were, it is just that he left first…he left me…but he left you too didn’t he Mom? And you had a greater claim then I did. And once a selfish brat…always a selfish brat…God if I could reverse time, I would of been a better daughter Mom, I would of been there for you more. I am so, so sorry. I was so caught up in my loss that I didn’t support you in yours.
Just the Way It Is, was my way of grieving, and I am thankful and touched that others took comfort in my words, and that they too found a healing path after losing someone close to them. Was that my purpose in writing Just the Way It Is? I don’t know maybe for I am a believer that everything happens for a reason but at the time I wrote it because I just needed to write; I needed to find a way to express my pain.
I’m not a traditional poet by any means, and the truth is I am not a big fan of ‘formula’ driven works no matter the genre, I believe that you need to write from your heart, full of passion and emotion and that is the difference between ‘words-on-a-page’ and a story. My poetry is free form, which means it doesn’t t rhyme, you will find no–Jack and Jill went up the hill…I do not write according to plan; the should ‘s or should not’s- not ever, not here, not in my books; not in my magazine articles, and NEVER in my poetry.
I no longer write poetry to sell, I don’t promote or advertise, I write for me and because I truly love poetry. I could tell you that I have won many awards, I could tell you that by some standards I would be considered successful but that is not why I write, I write because it is me- I am it- words, stories, prose…it just is, it is who I am.
So….what shall I write about next?
Fuck it…I just can’t do it. I can’t write in sections. I mean come on, whose life is cut into nice neat sections anyway? The lines cross, jumble and tumble and are one and none. Nice sections, slots and categories seem pretty boring to me, and I am many things, but boring isn’t one of them. It is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole, sure you can do it- after all there is always a way- but does it belong? NO WAY- so you sanded down the fucking corners and made it fit, but why did you? What the hell was wrong with being a square peg? ~giggles~
Is that what I am I wonder, a square peg? I am – just me and you know what, that is okay with me- perfect in fact, as that is what I was meant to be! Does that make me unique? Hardly-each one of us is one of a kind, my life experiences are different from yours hence, I am different, you’re different, we share similarities sure, every person does, but each of us has the ability to dare to be different.
Cecil Beaton said- “Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.”
I believe that if you don’t become true to yourself and stop the formula driven nonsense you stifle your potential; but hey- who am I? ….~giggles~ well that’s why you’re reading this right? To discover more about who I am.
To be continued…