Fat and useless–Lazy- Stupid- despicable—What happened to you?–you’re so old- so ugly?—Why can’t you get anything right?!
Look at those thunder thighs!—I hate you- you’re so fucked up–worthless pile of skin–you’re such a bitch- you’re an embarrassment, I wouldn’t be caught dead in public with the likes of you!
Pretty mean and harsh words. Abusive even. What would you do if someone said these things to you? How would you feel? I am pretty sure it would make you angry- that you would probably hurl some equally mean or worse comments right back at the person saying them, for certain these words would hurt. And yet….
Millions of people talk to themselves this way all the time, every time they pass a mirror, every time they make an error in judgement, every time they might gain a few pounds.
How about the ‘fat test’ where you pinch-an-inch? Did that make you feel sexy and worthy? Not likely- more like “God I’m getting fat!” than you are on the next detox- or diet to lose those pounds. Obsessed about getting rid of them. Really? Will the world fold and stop functioning as you know it because you have gained a pound or two?
Why are we so self-abusive? And talk to ourselves in such mean and negative ways? If those words were hurled at you everyday from someone else you wouldn’t be hanging around with them long! So why don’t we look in the mirror and say ‘Hot-damn!- look at me!’? Isn’t life at times hard enough without chipping away at our own self-confidence?
We look in the mirror and check for wrinkles and grey hair- add curls- take curls away- botox and obsess or every flaw. and we mumble negative things to our reflection, like somehow our bodies or our minds have betrayed us.
Some people reading this might say- oh sure that is easy for you- you are fit- you are pretty- you are skinny, rich, have it together. Truth is I battle with self-confidence everyday, I’ve been thin, I’ve been fat, I’ve had no motivation and that could be called lazy, I age, we all age, and it is a struggle to stay positive. A daily battle. I’ve slipped into dark places so cold I felt that there were cinderblocks on my shoulders and tied around my ankles, blocks made of cold ice.
So yes, I am fucked up- but that IS-OKAY; because I am me, and everyday can’t be a good day, but everyday I can look myself in the mirror- directly in my eyes— and say— “Damn girl, you’ve had a rough go- but you did it- you made it- and you look pretty damn good!” I can’t-and won’t-lie to myself and tell myself I am beautiful when I’m not feeling beautiful- but I won’t tell myself I am ugly either- because that would be lying to myself as well. I’m not ugly- you aren’t ugly. How we talk to ourselves matters just as much, if not more, than how we talk to others.
Perfection is a myth- imperfections make us who we are, and who we are- –who I am— is pretty damn awesome!
“Self-love has very little to do with how you feel about your outer self. It’s about accepting all of yourself.”~Tyra Banks~