won’t let you fall

Vision or dream?

Dear world…It’s me…Tilly

I was lying in the state of timelessness absorbing the sun from the window and clearing my mind when I  saw myself leave my body and look back at me lying on the floor and we smiled at each other. In my vision  I was completely naked.

I ran and jumped into the air and felt the slice through the clouds, the wisps of air tickling my naked flesh, the tingling of the clouds welcoming me, playing with me and I laughed.

The clouds carried me. A journey. Time blended into nothingness, clouds, lifted me up until I was standing on a rainbow.

The colors were brilliant yet transparent. Like a stain glass window. I was amazed that the rainbow was not slippery, for in my imagination I have always thought it would be, like a giant slide.  I can’t explain the texture, it was…magical.

I walked along the highest curve;  I knew I was going up yet I did not feel as if I was climbing, like you would a hill, I felt upward motion but there was no physical sensation of doing so.

As I stood at the top of the arch I looked down. Not over the rainbow but through it and saw my body alight from the sun, still lying on the floor, the earthly me and the other me and we smiled at each other; connected yet apart.

The rainbow moved, guiding me now instead of me walking, and I sat on the downward slope. My naked bottom touching the rainbow and I marveled at the feel. It was warm not a misty dampness as I had always thought, a warm heat. As if the rainbow read my thoughts, I felt it smile and  it carried me down the other side. The wind caressed my flesh, and I never felt more alive more excited in my life.

I landed on the other end of the rainbow into a magic treasure that so many seek but never find. I looked up at the rainbow and it smiled.

“Building dreams Tilly is what you are meant to do.”

I laughed and took a hand full of the bounty and threw  up the golden discs and they came down like a shower over me. Not hard, and clanking as coins do. Not solid gold pieces that would hurt your tender flesh if they were thrown on you, but a fluid gold ocean that absorbed me, like the ocean on your flesh joined with you. The laughter rang out from the world below and I laughed with the world.

I looked down, through the gold ocean and  you were standing there. Solid.  You looked up and saw me and a small smile edged the corner of your mouth.

Tilly Rivers_Rainbow

That look. The look you have when you think I am going to/ or have done something totally outrageous that only I would do.

The look that said while you admire my spirit, you had mixed feelings about it. The look of envy that you wish you too could unchain yourself to be free as you craved.

The look of fear. Fear of falling, of failing.

The look of protection. The combined measures of “go Tilly go”, and the “will you please get down before you get hurt”.

I beckoned you to come with me. You shook your head.

I knew you were scared. Scared to leave the solid physical plane of earth, scared to leave the familiar. Scared to let go, for you were thinking that you would spin out of control.

I reached out my hand. I would be your anchor for as long as you let me. For as long as you needed me.

I whispered  “Don’t be scared, I will not let you fall.”

That was when I returned to my earthly self.

It’s okay my love; I won’t let you spin out of control.

Leap. You’re going to be fine.

Be free to be you.

I am reaching out my hand… I won’t let you fall.

Love, T