Life is different they say- when you know you’re going to die
That is such a lie
The fight, the struggle, the why
Plays games with your mind- games of twists and turns, worms eating holes
Emotional ups and downs
Nothing like how they say it should be on T .V.
Bucket list- bullshit- the pains to great- your energy is spent
Poems are written about how smells are sweeter, food tastes better, the sun is brighter
Bullshit I say
If you did not appreciate these things before, you’re just going to suddenly ‘miss’ them all the more?
No, you carry with you in death the things you did in life.
Times when you want to scream: “Fuck it- do it- take me now!”
Times you when curl up and cry like a baby begging to stay
Do you love more? No, you love the same, you SAY it more, try to SHOW it more, in case someone forgets- forgets you loved them, forgets you.
Then you stop saying it, so you can let them go.
The greatest fear? As time goes on and they heal, will they forget me, as if i was never here?
What’s it like to know you are dying?
At times it’s very beautiful, times it is very ugly
You need to come to terms with your demons
What is my fear? That I didn’t matter.
That as much as I loved you, loved you with all that I am, that in time it will be forgotten
Then I say: “Selfish bitch!” Of course they need to heal, to forget, to move on- to LIVE!
And I cry
I cry for me- in this place I am truly alone.