What’s It Like To Die?

Tilly Rivers

Copyright, 2011

Dying

What's it like to die?

Life is different they say- when you know you’re going to die

That is such a lie

The fight, the struggle, the why

Plays games with your mind- games of twists and turns, worms eating holes

Emotional ups and downs

Nothing like how they say it should be on T .V.

Bucket list- bullshit- the pains to great- your energy is spent

Poems are written about how smells are sweeter, food tastes better, the sun is brighter

Bullshit I say

If you did not appreciate these things before, you’re just going to suddenly ‘miss’ them all the more?

No, you carry with you in death the things you did in life.

Times when you want to scream: “Fuck it- do it- take me now!”

Times you when curl up and cry like a baby begging to stay

Do you love more? No, you love the same, you SAY it more, try to SHOW it more, in case someone forgets- forgets you loved them, forgets you.

Then you stop saying it, so you can let them go.

The greatest fear? As time goes on and they heal, will they forget me, as if i was never here?

What’s it like to know you are dying?

At times it’s very beautiful, times it is very ugly

You need to come to terms with your demons

What is my fear? That I didn’t matter.

That as much as I loved you, loved you with all that I am, that in time it will be forgotten

Then I say: “Selfish bitch!”  Of course they need to heal, to forget, to move on- to LIVE!

And I cry

I cry for me- in this place I am truly alone.

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