Intimacy, 10 tips

Ten Things Every Partner Should Know About Intimacy!

By Tilly Rivers

© Tilly Rivers, Author, 2003

NOTE:  As you know, I am not an ‘expert’ in relationships nor a registered sex therapist, this article is an opinion, I was asked to write it, and offered my insight.  If you have any type of intimacy issues, please seek professional help.

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photo by tilly rivers

Picture taken by Tilly Rivers

Of course we all know that we should never do anything that both partners are not open and comfortable with.  Ask.  And ask again…..real sexual enjoyment starts and finishes with confidence and trust in whom you have chosen to be intimate with!

Set the stage for a relaxing, intimate and fun session of sexual connection with your partner.

   1.  Focus. When a partner feels beautiful, they act, become beautiful.  Their confidence grows,   they become bold, the daring element in them elevates. They are no longer scared to reveal those knobby knees, and not so cute elbows.  Suddenly you feel sensual and sexy from the inside out.

2. Time.  Taking the time to explore the ‘whole’ package will reap you rewards.  Caress, feel, and absorb your partner’s body.  We all know the difference between a selfish “wham bam’, get my rocks off, about me partner (this can never be faked no matter how good you think you are at covering it up!) and a partner that enjoys you.  When your partner feels how much you are into them, they will give that back a hundred fold. The fact that men can’t visibly see when (unlike themselves) a woman is turned off, (as we do not lose an erection,) they tend to be confused, thus they hurry things, and as a result they miss out on a woman’s full passionate ability.

3. Communication.  Tell them what turns you on.  Before. During, after sex.  We are, as a rule are vain creatures and want to hear how ‘hot’ only your partner is making you.  Again be careful.  It is better to be silent if you do not mean it.  This can not be faked either.  If a partner seems under active, it is often because they are scared of doing the wrong thing, like touching you incorrectly.  Instructions can be fun if you let them!

4. The importance of knowing your partner intimately.  Tenderness. Constant awareness of what your partner is feeling.  Lovers should learn to watch one another masturbate, to explore, learn, and give.  Freely.  To taste.  (Cossolette) the natural perfume of a woman.

5. Confidence.  The tough-tender mixture.  Inner strength not outward muscle, the essence of you, not the physical attributes, knowing you are confident is a real turn on for most partners.  That isn’t to say that ‘clumsy’ moments can not happen or be fun while having sex (for example head into wall, causing you both to break out in laughter) when you are relaxed, open and confident with your partner you will be able to laugh at these moments and go on.

6. Balance. Rough or Gentle? Both.  One.  The mood will shift, and when you know your partner you will be able to sense it.  Strength-skill-control.  There should be times when you are happy to let your partner do every thing and others when you need to control.  Great sex can be wildly violent but never cruel.  No one can be a good lover if they do not regard their partner as an equal; the ‘divine gift’ makes the ideal lover.  Equal passion. ASK what your partner likes or does not like. Know your and your partners boundaries!

7. Presume.  Never think that what excites one will work just as well for another. Relearn each other’s bodies.  The main ‘parts’ may be the same, but their ‘sensitive or trigger zones’ will vary. If you presume you will have a neutral passive ‘taking’ of the other instead of mutual sharing passion. Fire.

8. Breasts. A lot of men still do not understand breasts. They hurry.  For some women her nipples are a direct hot line to her clitoris.  Palm brushing, eye lid brushing, licking, sucking, breast stimulus (head to tail, her on top, man sitting woman kneeling) are a major turn on for a lot of women.

9. The butt is recorded to be a major erogenous zone in both sexes.  This requires stronger stimulation, holding, kneading, slapping, and taking from behind.  Each of these acts are pleasures in them selves.

10. Skin. Touch.  The smell and feel of a man/woman (s) skin probably has more to do with the attraction / repulsion than any other feature.  Skin stimulation is a major factor.  Touch. Texture. Temperature. Taste.

PLEASE NOTE: This article has appeared in several adult and relationship magazines from 2003 to 2007 both online and in traditional print.

This article can be reproduced if copied in its entirety, and with full credit line given to the author, Tilly Rivers.

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